F.R.I.E.N.D.S

‘no man is a failure, who has friends’ – It’s a beautiful life

Friend /frɛnd/Old English frēond, of Germanic origin, from an Indo-European root meaning ‘to love’, shared by free.

Free /friː/ able to act or be done as one wishes; not under the control of another.

This is not an article about NBC's beloved and highly successful TV show, no, what this is, is an appreciation for a little thing called Friendship. After all, who wants to go through the Mordors of Middle-Earth (for us mere mortals) without worthy companions like Sam, Pippin and Merry Mary, friends to believe in you, nudge you in the right direction, pull you up when you're down or wrestle the Gollums of life with you (sorry, I love Lord Of The Rings). Of all human relationships, Friendships are probably the least prioritized and the most sacrificial. Parents, romantic partners and offspring are put above it. So what's so special about them, that makes them so endearing? Well for starters; Friendship is a living embodiment of free will, we are not bound by blood or a promise of lifelong companionship. Friends are friends because they want to be, they can opt-out any time they want - if they feel unappreciated, unaligned, over-invested or otherwise.

At times, the world can be a very unaccommodating place - Dark, cold and hollow, but the kindness and love of friends can prove to be a streak of light, slicing through the dark, thick, mist of melancholy (Yes, Friendship is a lightsaber). A friend can always raise you above the murk, by giving you someone to talk to, confide in and to share advice with little inhibition. The measure of friendship is immeasurable when we realise that we are all fighting a battle that no one can fight for us (life), we all have our own  insecurities to deal with, doubts to trump and demons to vanquish. We all go through it, so being there for another person's battles is no small feat. You’ll need a hand to lift you up every time you fall, a reassuring pat on the back, a 'don’t worry we’ll be alright' pep talk every now and then, to enable us get on with it. It’s not all rosy though, your friends will disappoint you, likely more times than not, and there will be conflict. But being the fallible imperfect beings that we are, i'd say we've all earned the right to be selfish and unreliable at some point in time.

Friends exist outside our known elemental circles, transcending our sex, religious, racial or ethnic backgrounds and if that's not beautiful then I don't know what is. Something I've found quite interesting is that, it's 'trivial' things (e.g. a similar love for poetry or football) that start and keep a friendship which evolves into something more (you see, big things do come in small packages). As different as your personalities may be, once an understanding evolves, coexistence is as seamless as a well meshed gear system; good friends don’t come easy but good friends make friendship easy. A study by William Rawlings stated that; ‘Friends don’t necessarily need to communicate often, or intricately, just similarly. Friends are more willing to forgive long lapses in communication because they’re feeling life’s velocity too’ - the reason why a chat with a friend after long periods of time feels less awkward than that of a former lover or estranged family member.

Over the course of our lives, friendships change in form and expectation, as we grow older we lose so much of ourselves consciously or otherwise. Domestic life, commitments, lifestyle choices etc. sometimes take so much from us that we lose our identities, we become just another person resigned to living out 'okay' lives. We become less adventurous and more realistic, less spontaneous and more premeditated, and in these seemingly innocuous choices we cease to be ourselves, but it's so powerful how a chat with an old friend could remind you of and ignite the person you once were, a reminder of the person, not the adult, parent or professional. 

I have great friends (some I don't deserve), both old and new and perhaps I don’t tell them as often as I should (cause macho men don't say things like that), so here I am,  thanking you for being there, for listening to my dreams, aspirations and lamentations, for making out the time to pick up the phone, send a message, see a movie, get drunk, partake in lame adventures, and most of all, thanks for having a place for me in your hearts. I hope I can continue to be there for you as you have for me - to tell stories, laugh about our pains, insecurities, shortcomings and disappointments with one another for as long as we can, so that if the day may come when we aren't able to, we'll know we had a good run.

Parents die, children grow old and leave home, but friends usually remain those same people you knew 20 years ago, Friends are not a replacement for family, no, friends are family; the family you're free to choose. Peace.